What is true?

Psalm 30:5 says that "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." If taking this verse literally, I would have to disagree. For when you're in the midst of heartache or one of the darker times in life, it's in the morning-in your first moments of consciousness-that the pain from your circumstances sweeps through your entire body, often settling in your chest. It is then that you accept that your pain is in fact reality, that it is not a dream. Yet it is in those first few moments of alertness, that we have a choice. Will we listen to the lies being whispered to us, the ones that so often prolong grief and feed unhealthy thinking, or will we tell ourselves what is true? Though I think grieving is important, allowing us to mourn a loss and acknowledge that we have been hurt, forcing us to cry out for help to the only One that can truly heal us, it's not healthy to stay there for long.

If taking Psalm 30:5 figuratively, I would no doubt agree. In fact, it's what gives me hope. And hope is exactly what we need in times of trouble. Hope that joy will come; that He promises to heal the brokenhearted. I believe that how long our "weeping in the night" lasts often depends on what we tell ourselves, what we choose to believe. And I think that the "joy in the morning" simply comes from clinging to what is true.

So what is true? I've been asking myself this question lately (thanks to my lil sis), and these are just a few truths that I keep telling myself:

1. God loves me.
2. He called me by name; I am His.
3. Nothing can separate me from His love.
4. He has given me purpose.
5. He will never leave me, nor forsake me.
6. He will provide my every need.
7. His grace is sufficient.
8. He promises to be close to the brokenhearted.
9. He will work everything together for good for those that love Him.
10. He is my ever present help in time of need.

When I focus on what is true, I have hope that joy isn't so far away . . .

This Road

A million miles away from anything familiar
A thousand places I would rather be
So I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side
Though I find it hard to see beyond my suffering
In my heart I know your plan is so much bigger
But this small part is all that I can see
And I believe you haven’t left me here to wander
Still I can't help but ponder where you're leading me

And I ask why this road
Why this way
And this load
Tell me how far must I go
Till I see
Till I know
Why this road

A million miles away from anything familiar
What was it like to be so far from home
Though you came in love
The world misunderstood you
There must have been some days when you felt so alone
But you endured, cause there was joy before you
Joy that came because you sacrificed
Since you gave yourself just to spend forever with me
Surely I can trust you'll lead me through my darkest times

When I ask why this road
Why this way
And this load
Tell me how far must I go
Till I see
Till I know
Why this road


From here I can not see
Why you'd choose this path for me
But I don't have to understand to believe
That you know why
You know why this road
Why this way
and this load
You know how far I must go
Till I see
Till I know
Why this road


-Ginny Owens

Cheers!

Peacock is the name of the guy that works on my car - he doesn't have a shop (or probably any mechanical schooling, for that matter); he just hangs out under a banana stand on the side of the road and fixes (is that a word?!) cars people drop off. Mike is the guy who owns the little coffee stand off the dock in Red Hook and who makes my lattes every morning: Triple Two-Pump Vanilla ICED Latte (I no longer drink hot coffee, it's too dang hot here). Brian is the lifeguard that sits 0n the stand where I lay out on my favorite beach. Glenn (and his wife) own Island Time where I spend way too much time with my friends eating pizza. Danielle is my hairdresser and happens to rent me my movies at the local video store, Sharon is my Yoga instructor, and the point is this . . . they know my name and I know theirs, and there is something to be said about wanting "to be where everybody knows your name" (insert Cheers' theme song). As much as I struggle with certain aspects of island living, I like that I know people's names, and I like that they know mine . . . I like that when I walk into any establishment here, the expectation is to say hello to one another. When I lived in Arlington, people rarely looked you in the eyes when you passed them on the street or ordered a coffee from corporate-y Starbucks, let alone took the time to learn your name. I used to go to the same Starbucks every day and not once did the people behind the counter stop to ask me my name, although admittedly, I never stopped long enough to ask them theirs either. Rarely did I take the time to just stop . . . and breathe . . . and get to really know the people around me. We live in such a fast-paced world; we are so caught up in our own lives that we don't invest time into others, and isn't that what we (especially followers of Christ) are here for? To create relationships and be a light in others' lives? We were created to be relational and yet we (myself included) often forget it, or minimize the significance of investing into other people. Just another one of the things I'm re-learning here . . .

When you get right down to it, there is nothing more important than investing in the lives of other people, and very few things that make you feel as special as when someone invests in yours! Challenge of the day: next time you walk into Starbucks, or your local grocery store or gas station, ask the person with the familiar face their name! :)

10 days til Hanna get here . . . can NOT wait!

Love . . .

Ridin' Fences

"Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow."

These Eagles' lyrics have been running through my head for the last few days. Random? Yes and no. While I can't remember the last time I heard this song, it doesn't surprise me in the least that I've been humming this particular verse. I think God can (and will) use anything to grab our attention when He needs to, even a song written by Don Henley. I know He's telling me to get off the fence . . . at least in one area in particular.

Those who are experts in "riding fences", or at least have taken a ride on one before, know what it feels up there. It can be exciting at first, no doubt; you might even feel free with one foot in and one foot out, like you "beat the system" somehow. But, unless you jump off the fence quickly, feelings of confusion, lonliness, and, yes, even pain begin to creep in. It's inevitable.

C.S. Lewis, the great philosopher, once wrote, "If you are continually stirred and fail to act, the time will come when you will be unable to act." In other words, passivity (or in this case, fence riding) can and will lead to paralysis. And in the life of a believer, paralysis is the worst ailment to have.

Fence-riders are cowards; they're afraid to make a decision one way or the other, afraid to take a stand, worried about what people on one side of the fence or the other will think of them. Fence-riders are selfish; they want what they think is the best both sides of the fence have to offer. Fence-riders are ineffective and insecure, respected by no one.

I don't want to be a fence-rider.

Three Gifts for Hard Times

Michael Easley sent this article out the other day. Such great perspective and wisdom for dealing with the hard times of life. There is purpose...and God is good all the time!

It's a little long, but worth the read!
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/august/34.44.html?start=1

News from STT

Hello people! Sorry I haven't written a post for over a month! Several people in the last few days have pointed out that I needed to post something, so I'm obeying orders. Hmmm, what new and exciting things do I need to tell you all?

Well, I'll start with work at Havana Blue... What can I say? Waiting tables is waiting tables. Although, I guess fine dining is a little different than what I'm used to. We have a lot less tables and make a lot more money! It's slow season right now, so we're not always that busy, but come October it'll be a different story, so I'm just trying to enjoy the slowness right now. I've managed to get my schedule down to only 3 or 4 nights right now which has been nice so that I can work on homework (I'll get to that later). Also, the people at work are a lot more fun than I had originally thought they were. I can honestly say that I enjoy the majority of the people I work with, so I'm thankful. If you think about, say a little prayer that I can be a good influence in their lives; that I'M the one doing the influence and not vice-versa.

School is going well, I suppose. I feel like I'm still barely keeping my head above water a lot of the times, though. Transitioning back into the student mentality has been a little tougher than I thought it would be; that or it's the whole time management thing. This past weekend I pulled my first all-nighter; haven't done that since my senior year of college. Not. Fun. I had a big paper due, 4 short papers, a test, and 5 lectures to watch. 25 hours later (and I'm not exaggerating) I'm happy to say that everything was turned in, and on time. As to the quality of work...who knows...we'll see. Needless to say, I crashed hard for about 14 hours afterwards. Now, I'm in the process of gearing up for the last week and half of classes. I have a 15 page research paper on D.L.Moody due, two finals, two short papers, and about 10 lectures to watch. Pray that I finish well. I'll have a week off before my next two classes start on the 24th of this month: Old Testament II and Apologetics (really looking forward to this class). In spite of the workload and stress that inevitably comes with deadlines, I'm learning so, so much and thankful to have this opportunity. I moved down here to focus on school, it's just sometimes I lose sight of that in the midst of just living life. I'm thankful for the people who continually remind me why I'm here and to keep pressing on!

I flew home to VA two weeks ago, and I was there for such a short visit that it kinda feels like a dream. Half of the trip, I sat in front of my computer doing homework. Sigh. But I loved, loved getting to see my family and friends, if only briefly. And I loved all the conveniences and options that I took for granted living there. It was nice to be able to shop somewhere other than KMart!

On a spiritual front, God continues to teach me new things all the time, but He's also been harping on some old truths. One lesson I think He's been trying to drill into me since I've been here...

So often people refer to changing homes, jobs, or even relationships as a "fresh start," a chance to "start over," but I'm learning that just because you have a "fresh start" doesn't mean that anything will necessarily change, except perhaps your physical location, or career, or a different face to look at. If the heart is the same, everything else remains the same. If there's a bad habit in life, location won't change that. When I decided to move here, I did not feel like I was running from anything, if anything, I felt as if I was running towards something; however, I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a little hope in me that I would get here and some of the bad habits I had while living in VA would mysteriously vanish because I was "starting over." Nope. The things I struggled with in VA, were waiting for me here in St.Thomas. Why? Because it's a matter of the heart. And that's what God is reiterating in my life right now. The only way for your life to look different is to be changed from the inside out. I don't know that you can ever really "start over." Sure, your slate can be wiped clean, but if the heart isn't right, there will be no permanent change, and it'll just be a matter of time before you're looking for a "fresh start." I'm hoping that God works on my heart while I'm here. I don't want to always be looking for fresh starts; I want permanence.

On a lighter note, I'm starting to enjoy living here. I don't know if I can say I LOVE it yet, but there are great things about this island! Come visit me and find out what those things are!

P.S. Hanna - Can not WAIT for you to get here!

Love...
JD

Countdown

I haven't showered in two days-unless, of course, you count swimming in the pool "showering -and I'm officially exhausted. I've had off the last two days and I've done nothing but study, write papers, take an exam, and run a few errands. (Granted, some of that studying was done either at the pool or on the beach, but still . . .) I know I've said it before, but this program is grueling. I'm hoping that as the weeks go on I'll learn to manage my time better and get back into the student mindset, where writing papers is second nature and I can "skim" through the assigned readings and still absorb the content. That said, I'm happy to report that I have, in fact, recieved my first paper back, as well as my first exam, and I got A's on both of them! :)

In other news . . .

1. So, I gave in and I bought my first pair of Crocs - don't judge. (Catton, I can see the look of disappoint on your face as you're reading this - wipe it off!) I bought them for work, because everyone else was wearing them there, and I have to say, they're actually pretty comfortable and not all that bad looking. I still am not a fan of the neon greens and pinks, though - those deserve a ticket from the fashion police...seriously. (Sorry to those who may own a pair.) Anyway, just thought I'd share that random bit of information.

2. As I'm writing this post, I'm approaching the start of the 24 hour countdown to 31. Seriously? Sigh . . . Where did 30 go? It feels like I was just mourning the loss of my 20s and now I'm already moving on to the next year! 31. Weird. Suddenly 30 doesn't seem so bad! :) Actually, I'm only partially serious; most of me has decided to try to embrace my 30s and accept the fact that I'm aging; that I'll never be (or look) 20 years old again . . . and that's okay. So far, my 30s are teaching me things about myself, they're forcing me out of comfort zones, they're giving me more confidence. In short, and surprisingly enough, 31 doesn't really bother me at all that much. I'm excited to see what my 31st year has in store for me! One thing that I am bummed about in regards to my birthday: I have to work. So, I'll be celebrating 31 by serving other people food. Fun, fun . . . :)

3. I miss my family. And my friends, of course. But especially my family, right now. Again, as I write this, my sisters and their families, my dad, stepmom, grandparents, and all my aunts, uncles, and cousins are gathering at my Dad's cabin in West Virginia to ring in the 4th of July together as a family. I will miss being with them this year. . . a lot! It's cliche to say, I know, but the older I get, the more I value my family and want to be near them. And I just so happen to have been blessed with an amazing family. Although, I'll still be living here at this time next year (which is hard for me to believe), I'm determined to make it home to celebrate the 4th with them, and welcome 32, arms wide open!

Okay, time for bed. Tomorrow's agenda: study, then work. Okay, fiiiiine, I'll probably go to the beach, too!

Nite.

2 Week Round-Up

Yes, I'm still alive! Can't believe it's been two weeks since my last post. Sorry to those who are actually following me; the last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Rather than give you the play-by-play (I'll spare you), I'll simply give you a breif overview of what's been going on with me...


Last Monday, T and Paul flew in to visit. I can not begin to tell you how much I LOVED having them here! They were here for a week, and it was a FULL week - more so for Paul, as he went on three all-day boat outings. Wednesday, we all jumped on a sailboat and sailed to St.John for a little snorkeling (well, let's be serious, I didn't actually snorkel), but it was a gorgeous day and so fun to watch Teresa swimming with Baracudas!!! It was her first snorkeling adventure and apparently (so she says), she feels "at home" in the water swimming around we sea creatures! haha We started calling her "Ariel." The next day, Paul went on a fishing trip and caught the biggest fish on the trip - so proud! The following day, T and Paul (minus me) took a trip to the BVI (Bristish Virgin Islands), while I stayed home and shopped for a car (I'll get into that later). They LOVED it; said the BVIs were awesome! I can't wait to go! Perhaps when my older sister comes down, we'll go together! Anyway, I was sad to see them go on Sunday, but thankful for the time I had with them.



Here's some other things that have been going on:


1. On Thursday, Big Blue (the car I was borrowing from my friend) died. No, it didn't simply get hurt, it died. Dead. The only way it could be brought back to life was to put about $2000 into the car. No.Way. So, the following couple of days afterwards were stressful as I went through the Rent-a-Car process here on the islands (do not even get me started on how stressful that was) and looking and buying a new car. But God is good - all the time - and on Saturday morning, I found my new car on Craigslist, test drove, and the title was in name by Monday morning! I am now the proud owner of Chevy Tracker - my first American car, mind you. It's a cute little car and in great condition. I hope it stays that way! What should I name her?



2. One night, while T was here, she and I drove over to check out a restaurant called Havana Blue (click on the link to check it out) - it' supposedly one of the nicest restaurants on the island and we had heard they were hiring servers. It was gorgeous - one of the most beautiful restaurants I've ever been in - ocean front, no windows, white linen blowing in the breeze, blue lights, dark wood interior. In short: awesome!







The short version: I ended up applying on Sunday night, they called me the next day for an interview, and hired me on Tuesday! My first day is Monday. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous - haven't worked in the restaurant industry for years! Say a prayer I don't drop a food tray my first week!

3. School started this past Monday and, on more than one occasion, I've questioned my decision to go back to get my degree - this program is pretty intense. I have about 200 pages to read this week, have already had my first quiz, and have a paper due on Sunday night. Ahhh! The two classes I'm taking this 8 week session: Old Testament I (Pentateuch and Historical Books) and Christianity in America. I am already loving my Christianityin America - it's fascinating - I can't believe how much I've learned already. It's sad to watch America separate God from "the state" - our forefathers never intended for that. Sure, a theocracy was never intended, but this country was founded on the concept of Freedom OF religion, not FROM it.

4. Some of you know, but I've been consulting (social media) for some Christian organizations while I've been here. Recently, an opportunity has presented itself to put together a proposal to pitch to an agency in NY next month. It's a pretty big deal and a great opportunity! Kristen Variola, a friend of mine that I used to work with, is going to help me with the proposal. If we land it, we'll be working on a full-blown marketing campagin for the next year. It will be a lot of work, but the product we'd be marketing is phenomenal and it'd be great to a part of it. Trying to figure out how I'm going to manage going to school, working at nights, and working on this project, but I'll figure it out, I suppose!

5. In other news, I had a run-in with my first house intruder. A lizard broke in on Wednesday night. I. was. not. amuzed. at. all. Sigh... I felt helpless and screamed like a little girl. After about an hour, I finally "dealt" with the "terrorist." I'll leave it at that.

6. Experienced my first "rush hour" traffic on the island yesterday as I was heading to the hospital to get my health card (which is required to work here on the island). Traffic is traffic, but rather than sitting on a beltway, cars inch down, in single file mind you, the mountain. I took some pics of the view on the way:

View from my driveway

View from my house
Downtown Charlotte Amalie
Yacht Haven

Sorry for the extra long post; I'll try to be better in the future. Now, I'm off to the beach to do some homework - have lots of reading to do!

The one thing God keeps reiterating over and over in my life lately is that He is in control and that I am definitely not, no matter how much I think I am. He is teaching me that I can trust Him to provide for me; it's humbling. And, He's teaching me that worrying never helps anything, it justs puts you in a bad mood, and makes everything worse!

Okay. Hope everyone has a phenomenal weekend! Happy Friday!

H2O

In other news...

I woke up this morning to my phone ringing. The first time, I ignored it. The second time, I ignored it. The THIRD time, I picked it up....annoyed. If you didn't already guess, yes, it was my mother. 7am and she's calling, panicked, because she was worried that I wasn't answering the phone...at 7am?! Apparently, she called at 11pm last night and I didn't answer, and just assumed that by 7am, I had had enough sleep, especially if I was already sleeping at 11pm, and thought something bad had happened. hahaha I love mothers...my mom, in particular! Better to have someone worry about you, than to not have anyone worry about you, right? (I love you, Mom.)

After calming my mother's fears, the first thing I did was head to the kitchen to make coffee (as I always do). I turned my water faucet on, only to have a few drops of water land in my coffee pot. What?! This is a joke, I thought, I'm on Candid Camera! So, I proceeded to try the bathroom faucet, and even the shower faucet, just in case. Nothing. Sunday morning and no water. I immediately panicked for a second thinking that I wouldn't be able to have coffee. I didn't worry about a shower or brushing my teeth, just coffee. (Classic addict behavior!) And that's when it hit me, I had bottled water in the fridge. Yes! My caffeine addiction would be satisfired in no time.

After the coffee began to brew, I went to email my landlord, and - to my surprise - she called within minutes. That's when she told me that the water had never run out on her at this place - the island water system runs on cisterns - but that "of course" it would happen to me in my first week. Yeah. Typical. Anyway, apparently the Water and Power company are not open on the weekends (what?!) so I would need to wait until tomorrow, and hopefully they would get me water then. Hopefully?! I'm learning that patience is a necessity - not a suggesetion - if you want to survive on the islands; they're MO is to do things on their own time, they do not care about your inconvenience. Period. Let me repeat: Do. Not. Care. So, you can complain all day long, allow for your blood pressure to rise significantly, and at the end of the day, you will be in the same spot. Nowehere. And so, I was just decided to take it all in stride and bathe at the pool today. However, minutes later - and I mean minutes - a water Mack track pulls up to my condo - there is a God! :) How it got there? Who knows. Who called them? Who knows. Why they were working on Sunday? Who knows. I don't care. All I know is that I now have water and am thrilled to be able to shower.

I did miss church, however (sorry, Mom) - I was planning on going to Cruz Bay Baptist Church over on St.John this morning, but I suppose I will have to wait til next week. I hate "church shopping," but I'm excited about the types of people I will meet and where God will have me end up. Please pray that I find a good church, if you think about it.

Change of subject - my little sis and my bro-in-law are flying in tomorrow night. Can.Not.Wait. I am so, so excited to have my first visitors! My place is little, so having the three of us in this place will be an adventure in itself, but I know we'll have fun!

Off to shower (yay!) and to get ready for the day...perhaps I'll venture down to the golf course, hit a few balls, and then head over to the pool. Rough life, I know...

Psalm 20:7 - Trust

I was reading Psalm 20 this morning and I thought this chapter was so fitting for my current circumstances - I love when He does that - and I wanted to share!

Psalm 20

(NIV)

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings. Selah
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the Lord grant all your requests.
6 Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
9 O Lord, save the king!
Answer us when we call!

What I took from this passage:

“Trust” (20:7). The issue raised here is reliance. Belief can be intellectual. Trust is a far more personal and challenging concept. Trust in God is resting the full weight of our confidence in Him, counting on Him alone to deliver us. It's hard to give up our desire to want to control our circumstances, and allow Him to work things out according to His will, His timing.

The psalm suggests seven things in which David (and the O.T. congregation) trusted God.

God can be trusted:

1. to hear us in time of trouble
2. to protect us
3. to send help
4. to support/strengthen us
5. to give us our heart’s desire
6. to make our plans succeed
7. to answer us with saving power

What a good reminder that He is in control, and I am not; that He loves me, hears my prayers, and will provide all my needs. In verse 7, David says that some people trust in chariots/horses (or rather, human/worldly protection), but WE trust in His "name." God's name is His nature, His character, His reputation, and for that, we would be foolish not to trust Him.


(Richards, Lawrence O.: The Bible Readers Companion)

Day 6 - Change

Change is hard. It doesn't matter whether it's change by choice, or change by force. It's hard. Period.

No-see-ums and Silver Linings

I woke up at 4:30am this morning...annnnd immediately began itching. It's quite possible that the "mosquitoes," also known as no-see-ums (affectionately referred to as Vampire Bugs or Punkies), might prevent me from peaceful relaxation and sleep for the next several months. One of those little suckers bit me right on the forehead and a welt is forming as I write this. I can not begin to tell you how awful they are here...at least the ones that have been attacking me. I have had more bites in the last three days than I have had in the last three years...I'm not exaggerating. So to all of you that may be experiencing bouts of jealousy by my moving to the islands, here's at least one reason to be thankful you're not here. I'm experiencing first-hand one of the reasons people move north for the summer season. (I'm sure I'll experience some of the other reasons in the weeks to come. And, no worries, I'll be sharing those with you all, as well.)

Despite the itching and the lack of sleep, there are at least two silver linings to being up so early:

1. Watching the sunrise over St. John island.

2. Remembering that I don't have to report to a cubicle in a few hours, and can take a nap on the beach later this afternoon! :)

Gonna go make some coffee, read a little, and see what God has to say this morning...

Have a great day, people!

Day 4 - Big Blue

Is there a worse place to get bitten by a mosquito than on your knuckle?! Maybe the bottom of your foot, but as I'm writing this, I'm learning that a knuckle bite is at least a close tie! And speaking of mosquitoes - woah - there's a ton here and apparently they LOVE me! They're very unassuming little suckers - they're the little tiny ones that look like gnats - and they have no mercy. I'm almost through my first can of OFF - so the moral of this story: if you come to visit me, pack the best kind of bug repellant you can use. Also, does anyone know any tricks for how to keep the bugs away?

Moving on...I just got home from saying goodbye to Jenn - she's headed to the airport soon, but I had a conference call so I had to run home and say bye early. I will miss having here, there's no doubt, but there's something to be said about being all alone, being extremely uncomfortable, and having to rely solely on God - for his friendship, for his protection, for his provision. It's just me and Him now. Say a prayer that I will cling to Him for comfort.

Jenn and I picked up my new 2000 Blue Chevy Blazer (Jenn named her Bertha, however, I call her "Big Blue") from the repair place today and it will be mine for the next several months - until about October. Being able to use her car for a few months is such a TREMENDOUS blessing, I can't even tell. Yet another answer to prayer. Now, I can have a little more financial cushion and start to save it before I have to get a car. Here's a pic Jenn getting into my new ride:

Now, I'm just sitting at home...sweating...as it's too expensive to keep your air running during the day. But every so often the breeze from the ocean comes in through my bedroom window and that makes me smile. Oh, the little things...

Off to the beach after my call today, then some more island touring. So excited for my little sister and her husband to fly in this Monday! Less than a week, and I already have my first visitors! Book your flights... ;)

Later...

Day 3 - Moses and Iguanas

I woke up at 5:45am this morning. Why? I don't know. What I do know is that I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up and thought I'd spend some time in the Word. So I was reading about Moses this morning - about when God spoke to him at the burning bush - and it was pointed out that God spoke to Moses to reveal Himself, His character, and His purposes, ultimately inviting Moses to "join" him in His work to release the Israelites from captivity and bring them to the land promised to Abraham. Once God spoke to Moses, Moses seemed to have gone through a crisis of belief when He questioned whether He was the right one for the job; when he asked God to send someone else. But in the end, Moses made the decision to obey God, to trust that God would lead him. He ended up having to make major adjustments in his life to obey, but it was that obedience that caused Moses to truly "know" God. (Blackaby, "Experiencing God")

When speaking of Moses in Numbers 12:6-8, God said, "He is faithful in all my house. With him I speak face to face." Face to face?! How awesome is that? Why? Because he was faithful. Because he obeyed when it didn't make sense. Because he obeyed when he was scared. Because he obeyed and did not lean on his own understanding.

I can identify with Moses' crisis of belief at times, but I want to be like Moses. I want to KNOW God by experience as I obey Him. I want to be faithful, and obey when it doesn't make sense, when I'm scared, and when I think my ordinary self can't make a difference.

Deep thoughts before 7am, huh? :)


In other news...today consisted of errands and to-do lists, driving around the island to get familiar with it, but nothing super exciting except:

a) I almost ran over an iguana in the road - apparently they're like squirrels here. Gross.

b) My first visit to the beach since I've arrived. Here is a pic of the beautiful Sapphire Beach taken from my camera phone!

My friend, Jenn, is leaving the island tomorrow. Come 3pm, my St.Thomas guide - and only friend on the island - will be gone, and I'll be flying solo. If you think about, please say a prayer that I meet cool people while I'm here. Thanks!

Nite...

Day 2 - Home Sweet Home

Wow. Where do I even begin? Day 2 was a whirlwind...

Jenn and I woke up leisurely on Tuesday seeing that I wasn't meeting my new landlord to move into my new place until 11am. At about 10:30, we loaded up her car (my soon-to-be new car: 2000 Chevy Blazer - to my TMG peeps: I'm finally driving a GM car) with all my bags, and got into the car to head over to my new place. I was SO excited to finally get to see my apartment, having only seen pictures at that point. Jenn went to go start the car and...nothing...the key wouldn't turn. Apparently the ignition was stuck. Siiiiigh. I tried to be patient (a virtue I'm learning is extremely key while living on an island), and we fiddled with the key - each taking turns - for about a half hour. Useless. Okay, new plan...

I called my landlord, explained the situation, and we went back inside her place to regroup. And that's when it hit me. Just a few days before I left for the island, I signed a contract with At&t and decided to sign up for the roadside assistance (not like me AT ALL), and so we decided to call a tow truck and I'd rent a car for a few days. Seems easy, right? Apparently not. Nothing, and I mean, nothing on this island is easy. At&t couldn't even find our location, let alone a tow truck company, for about an hour. They called my phone back three times. Then, I called 4 rental car companies before I found a car. Apparently rental car companies on the island don't always have cars to rent. WHAT? Weird... Anyway, the tow truck finally found us, but getting down the mountain to Jenn's house was entirely different ordeal altogether. However, the car got to the shop, I found a rental (Corolla -$50/day), and off we went to meet my landlord....3 1/2 hours after-the-fact.

Once I turned into my new development (Mahogany Run) all the troubles of the day disappeared. It was perfect. The location, the condo, the pools, the restaurant on site, and...the view of the ocean from my bedroom window! Home sweet Home. On a side note: when I was getting a tour of my new apartment, I happened to look down on the shelf in my kitchen and lo and behold, there was....an ESPRESSO machine. I almost cried tears of joy. Seriously.
Afterwards, Jenn and I hit the local restaurant on site, Mahogany Grille. Was awesome. I'll be spending a lot of time there, I'm sure. And we went to go see the golf course...beautiful. I'm determined to pick up golf while I'm here...perhaps I'll meet a nice, wealthy, handsome man that would like to teach me! ;)

Next up: grocery shopping. Woah. Milk: $7 a gallon. That's all I have to say about that...

By 7:30pm, I had had enough of driving around on the wrong side of the road, spending a ridiculous amount of money on peanut butter, bread, and cheese, and so I headed home to my brand new place, watched the Red Wings lose (siigh), and unpacked my suitcases. Oh, and did I mention that my new bed is a "Heavenly Bed"?!?! Love. Love.

Nite.

Day One - And it begins...

I don't cry that often. I mean, okay, I cry at commercials - especially that one Folgers commercial where the guy comes home from the military and surprises his mom for Christmas - and I cry at movies, and cry when other people tear up, but rarely do I cry when it comes to the circumstances in my own life. However, as I stood next to mom before walking through the security gate at the airport today, I cried. Period. And it wasn't a tear trickling down the cheek kinda cry, it was the good old-fashioned-shoulders-heaving up and down kinda of cry. I can't remember the last time I held onto my mom that long and vulnerably confessed that I was scared. She comforted me (as only mothers can do), prayed with me, and recited Joshua 1:9. "Be strong and courageous, Honey. I have no doubt in my mind that God has called you. You were chosen. That's exciting!" And off I went...



The trip was long - delayed flights, changed gate departures, and unhappy kids galore - and I was still feeling sad, but the second I walked off the plane and looked around at my new home, I smiled and chuckled...out loud...I'm sure I looked ridiculous. As I walked down the stairs of the plane, I thought, "You did it; you finally moved to the islands!" A combination of excitement and fear (mixed with a little, "What the heck did you DO?" rushed through me as I headed to baggage claims to pick up my two very overstuffed suitcases. Jenn met me at the entrance and I immediately felt sad that I would have to say goodbye to her in two days... I can't help but wonder why the Lord allowed circumstances to happen in my friend's life that would lead her off the island two days after I arrived. Perhaps there's something to Him being a "jealous" God and He didn't want to share me!

Once we got to the car, Jenn handed me the keys and told me that I would be driving home. Now, that doesn't seem like it's a very big deal, but considering that in St.Thomas they drive on the left side of the road, I knew my first "miracle" on this adventure would be for me not to kill us on the way home! Although it took us a lot longer to get to Jenn's place than normal, I'm happy to say I passed the driving test and got us home in one piece.

It's late and Jenn and I are exhausted. Tomorrow is move-in day for me. Can not WAIT to see my new place.

Nite.

Gracious Uncertainity

It was late Wednesday night, on April 29th, when I picked up a copy of Chambers, "Utmost for His Highest," in a desperate attempt for God to speak to me through it and/or give me a sign about my move to St.Thomas. I had been over at my mom's earlier that evening and was feeling such pressure and angst about moving and all of the uncertainties that came with it - what I would do to make money, where I would live, my car situation, and I couldn't figure out when to leave - June? August? I just felt overwhelmed when I got into my car to head home; I felt heavy. And that's when I began to talk to the Lord - outloud, mind you. "Dear God, please show me what to do! Please give me peace somehow. I know You don't always work this way, but if you could just give me some sort of a sign about this decision, I would really appreciate it. Help me to make a decision and have peace about it. And help me to trust that You will provide..."

I admit, I did feel a little better afterwards - as I always do after unloading on Him. But I can't say that I had "peace" yet. So, I dragged myself inside and started getting ready for bed - it was late and I was tired - but I thought, "You need to be in God's word if You really want Him to speak to you," and so "Utmost" came to my mind. I grabbed it off my bookshelf and opened it to the day (it's a yearly devotional), April 29th. This is what I read:

Our natural inclination is to be so precise— trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next— that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, "Well, what if I were in that circumstance?" We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.


Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life— gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God — it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, ". . . unless you . . . become as little children . . ." (Matthew 18:3 ). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, ". . . believe also in Me" (John 14:1 ), not, "Believe certain things about Me". Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in— but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

When I stopped reading, there was an unexplicable sense of peace that rushed over me and it hasn't left me sense. What can I say - it was one of those "God things," where I knew He was speaking directly to me. I felt like He was saying, "Honey, don't you worry. This journey is going to be filled with uncertainty, but that's part of the fun! You may not know HOW I will show up, but trust that I WILL, in fact, show up...and it'll blow your mind when I do! Remain faithful to me, first, and I will supply all your needs!" I felt like crying or jumping up and down with excitement, but instead, I just thanked Him...and shook my head in amazement at how much I still limit Him.

I am ridiculously excited to see what the Lord will do in my life over the next year and a half; what He will teach me, how He will refine me. I'm quite certain the growing pains will not always be fun, but I'm looking forward to the finished product. There is something so freeing about letting go of your worldly possessions, and starting anew with a blank canvas. Sure, there are moments when I begin to feel anxious about all the uncertainties that lie ahead, but I am reminded quickly that HOW He will provide may be uncertain but knowing that He WILL provide isn't. My job is to trust and obey - I'm confident He will take care of the rest!

This about sums it up...

"I'm Moving On"

-Rascal Flatts

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I'm moving on...

I lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different, but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it,

They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong

I'm moving on...

I'm moving on...and last I can see
Life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind, that those days are gone

I've sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should, but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me some where down this road

I'm moving on...